If you’re a woman who is married or in her mid-thirties, you’ve probably been asked when you’ll have a baby a million times. It’s a question many women get from “concerned” friends, relatives, colleagues, or worse, a stranger you met about 5 minutes ago. And you know what’s worse? There’s never a satisfactory answer that isn’t “I am currently pregnant.” Asking a woman when she will have a baby is invasive, unnecessary, and annoying. However, just like asking when a woman is going to get engaged, many people don’t understand why it’s wrong.
If a woman is trying to have a baby, chances are she won’t tell everyone. Also, if she has had a miscarriage, she won’t tell you either. There are so many reasons why a woman hasn’t had a baby yet. If you’re one of those people who feel the need to ask every woman when she’ll have a baby or if you are a woman who is constantly being asked, keep reading. Here’s a few reasons why some women do not have a baby yet and why you need to stop asking;
Some Women Do Not Want to Have a Baby
This is undoubtedly one of the major reasons why some women do not have kids yet. However, it’s also the response many people refuse to accept. Often times, when a woman says she doesn’t want kids the responses are usually “you’ll want children when you meet the right partner,” or worse, “God intended for women to have kids.”
Society considers women nurturers and mostly incomplete without a husband and a child, which is why it’s so difficult to understand. However, before you judge any woman for not wanting kids, you need to realize that children need parents that are committed to loving them. Children are a huge responsibility and it’s completely fine if a woman does not feel like she wants that level of responsibility in life.
Also, many women who do not want kids are sometimes scared of passing a hereditary disease to them. For instance, cystic fibrosis, Marfan X syndrome, Huntington’s disease, etc. are all hereditary.
Some Women Are Dealing with Medical Reasons
Medical issues are also a huge reason why many women do not have kids of their own. Female infertility is very common, and it is difficult to talk about, especially with people who cannot relate to the struggle. Female infertility is usually caused by a variety of reasons such as;
- Cancer treatments
- Hormonal imbalance
- Or other medical issues not listed
The female reproductive system is controlled by so many hormones and a rise or fall in the secretion of these hormones can lead to infertility. Aside from hormonal imbalance, endometriosis is a condition caused by the abnormal growth of the tissue that lines the uterus. Instead of growing within the uterus, the tissue grows outside the uterus, and can be found or the intestines, ovaries, or Fallopian tubes. This condition makes having a baby extremely difficult, especially if the woman is older.
Now ask yourself, “how many women will be prepared to explain a medical condition to every person that asks?” Can you imagine how exhausting it must feel when a situation you have zero control over is discussed time and time again? You need to stop asking women when are they going to have a baby, because you never know what medical conditions they might have. Also, ignore the thought that tells you to offer solutions such as surrogacy or adoption. Quite frankly, it’s a personal issue and it is rude if you didn’t ask for their help.
Women struggling with infertility or hormonal conditions have probably looked up solutions too.
Some Women Are Not Ready to Have A Baby
Aside from medical conditions and not wanting a baby, there are women who are not ready to have kids. It could be for a variety of reasons such as;
Whether you want to admit it or not, having children is really expensive. Immediately you have a kid, you begin to spend a lot of money. It isn’t wise to have kids if you’re unable to care for them properly.
There are women who aren’t psychologically ready to have kids. It’s important to be in a great place mentally before having kids, as this will reflect on how you care for them.
Women are expected to sacrifice so much for getting married and having kids all the time. However, there are women who have specific goals that they need to accomplish before having a child.
Children are a huge responsibility and some women are not ready to have any. Without the will or means to be committed to raising kids, there’s really no reason to have any. A lot of women who want kids have probably weighed their options and have decided to wait.
Some Women Are Trying to Have A Baby
As mentioned earlier, many women are trying really hard to have a child of their own. However, conceiving and birthing a baby isn’t as straightforward as you would like to think. For instance, having a condition like endometriosis can make it difficult to conceive and have a baby. While this is somewhat related to age and how fertile a woman’s partner is, it is generally difficult. Plus, there are numerous cases where both partners are medically fit to have kids but can’t seem to get pregnant.
Whatever the case may be, know that there are women who are actively trying to have children and they do not owe you an explanation. You don’t need to know about every doctor’s appointment, specialist visits, herbal teas, negative tests, etc. Allow women trying to have kids to do it peacefully without making them relive every disappointing news whenever you ask them.
Although asking women when they are going to have a baby might not always be malicious, it can be emotionally triggering and distressing. Most times you can’t tell what exactly a person is going through at the moment. Instead of asking constantly when a woman will have kids, ask about her welfare and other aspects of life. If she’s comfortable enough, she’ll be able to share if she’s expecting a baby, having difficulty conceiving, etc. And if she isn’t, it is completely fine.
At the end of the day, it is no one’s business to tell you when are you going to have kids, or more kids, etc. This is between the woman herself and her significant other.